Wouldn't you love to have sparkling white teeth like these?
You have probably seen them on Yahoo! on CNN on Google and on most major news sites: "The teeth whitening secret discovered by a mom!" "Lose 47 lbs. in one week by following this simple rule discovered by a mom!" "Erase strech marks with this mom's amazing formula!" "How a mom earns $697,000 a week on this work-at-home plan!"
What even more amazing, this "mom" lives right near you! Depending on where your IP locator identifies your computer, the "mom" is from Cleveland, LA, St. Louis, or Yehupetz, Idaho.
Well, here is a startling fact discovered by a Babushka: the people behind these horribly ugly and annoying ads are not "moms" except as the word is used by Samuel L. Jackson in "Snakes on a Plane." What is more, they are not from Cleveland, LA, St. Louis or Yehupetz Idaho, but an offshore corporation in the Phillipines.
Here is how the scam works. You, a simple "mom" (yes, these ads talk down to women who have given birth as if they are the dumbest creatures on the planet--as anyone who falls for this scam undoubtedly is), want to share the success of another "mom" who is "just like you." So you click on the website to give your credit card information to send away for that $5 teeth-whitening kit or $1.97 work-at-home kit so that you can have the whitest teeth and make $697,000 in a week just like that other mom, or rather mofo.
Now here is where the "mom" turns into a "snake on the plane." They will gobble up your credit card information and charge you $75 a month for their "opt out" membership in order to receive the stupid $5 tooth kit or the $1.97 work-at-home kit.
But: YOU CAN CHECK IN, BUT YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE.
The "opt out" program kicks in as soon as you click on the SUBMIT button, but you have 7 days to "opt out." This is 7 days that expires even before you receive the stupid worthless scam "kit" you signed up for. In order to "opt out" you must call the offshore call center, which is staffed by people who are too stupid and whose English is too poor to get a job at any other offshore call center. You stay on the line for 2 hours waiting for a representative, and then...you get cut off!
So, you call back and stay on the line for another 2 hours, get to a customer representative who tells you that you missed the "free trial" deadline and your credit card will be charged $75 for the first month.
Meanwhile your credit card bill continues to show they are sucking out the $75 month after month.
This is when you realize that the "mom" is a mofo snake on the plane.
The only solution is to cancel the credit card and report the deductions as identity theft.
The Babushka has not personally been caught in this trap, but is passing on information gained from unfortunate victims of the mofos.
DON'T BE A VICTIM. STAY AWAY FROM THE MOMS.
And while we are on the subject of annoying ads, who else wants to throw a shoe at Andy Willoughby's folksy, oozing, slimy, "3 Step Plan." Although this is not a scam in the sense of being criminal (like the "mom" scam), it is a multi level marketing plan and here are the 3 Steps they want to charge you money for:
Step 1: Buy a bunch of overpriced organic fruit drink, available only to Andy Willoughby distributors.
Step 2: Sell the product to your friends suckers for $40 a bottle, even though they can buy the same (generic) product at Whole Foods for $20 a bottle, or at Wal-Mart for $2 a bottle.
Step 3: Profit!
Despite all the fake testimonials, the only people who might actually succeed in the "3 Step Plan" are unemployed used car salesmen whose inventory has been diminished by the "Cash For Clunkers" Plan--which is part of the BIGGEST GOVERNMENT SCAM OF ALL.
